I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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