I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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