So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
