I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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