WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
