yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
