I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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