We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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