My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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