I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
