this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
