At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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