Me too!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
