im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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