and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
