I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
