White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
