so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
