I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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