i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
