dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
