I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
