my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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