Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
