Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
