She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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