and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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