Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
