Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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