How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
