She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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