my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
