My friends, they love my intelligence
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
FUCK WHALES
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
