God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
