textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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