apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
