It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you would pick up someone in the library
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
