Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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