super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
