I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
