I need help removing her.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
