Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
