SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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