Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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