yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
