As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
