I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
