I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
