Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
