ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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